By Samantha Reaves, Communications Specialist, Postpartum Support International

Trigger warning: pregnancy and infant loss, traumatic birth, stillbirth 

After experiencing the unimaginable loss of their baby girl, Cicely Grace Dortenzo, in 2003, Katy and Josh Dortenzo were left grieving. To honor Cicely, they started Sweet Grace Ministries in 2011, a nonprofit organization offering support and resources to families enduring ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, life-limiting diagnoses, and infant death. Their organization provides baskets, comfort bags, photography, support groups, remembrance events, mentoring to couples, and more.

“We offer resources as families prepare to welcome their new baby into the world and say goodbye to them at the same time.” 

Sweet Grace Ministries

At the beginning of May 2024, Akirah gave birth to her daughter, Ruby. She later shared her experience on social media:

“Today is Bereaved Mother’s Day.

Two days ago, I became a bereaved mother.

The last few months have been pretty horrible. After the excitement of learning I was pregnant with a baby girl, we later learned she had Down syndrome and some associated medical conditions. Doctor’s appointments became frequent and stressful, each one revealing worse news than the last. Eventually our sweet girl was diagnosed with fetal hydrops and we were told it was only a matter of time before she would die.

It’s a surreal experience to feel your baby kicking while you’re listening to a doctor tell you that she’s not going to leave the hospital alive. It all felt so confusing until one morning I realized she was no longer kicking. And I knew she was gone.

Ruby Beloved was born sleeping on May 3rd at 3:02PM. Her birth was empowering and holding her was beautiful, but seeing how disease and death ravaged my baby girl’s body? That will forever be excruciating.

Never in a million years would I want to relive the traumas of this year. I also wouldn’t choose to be the person I was before this year. I’ve grown. Life is pain and then it’s beauty and then it’s both, mixed up together. Rinse and repeat…

Ruby Beloved has changed me. That’s why I must share her with you. After Ruby, my marriage is pretty unshakable. After Ruby, my gratitude for Auggie is unmatched. Ruby has helped me confront ableism I didn’t even know was in me and she’s practically cured my anxiety disorder. In just 21 weeks, God used her life to do all of that! It’s impressive. It’s heartbreaking. It’s life and it’s death and I need God for all of it. So please pray for our family, my friends. We have so much healing ahead of us.”

A month later, Akirah shared these words:

“This picture warms my heart more than I can ever express.

In honor of Ruby, a friend of my in-laws offered our family a generous monetary gift to be given to charity. To our pleasant surprise, the gift was actually large enough for us to donate to two different organizations! Sweet Grace Ministries is one of the organizations we chose and we will continue to support this ministry in the future. The women of Sweet Grace urged Jon and me to attend their support group to be held a few hours before I was to report to the hospital. They fed us and cried with us and told us what to expect. They gifted us with a care basket and I sobbed when I saw there was a little gown inside for Ruby to wear. When she was born the next day, their photographer came and took the most lovely photos of our sweet girl. Any time I look at these pictures, I beam with joy because in the midst of such pain, I felt so incredibly loved. It felt like Ruby was so loved, too.

No one wants to say hello and goodbye to their child in the same day. The folks at Sweet Grace Ministries are truly doing the Lord’s work and offering comfort to families facing this unimaginable trauma. That’s why seeing my baby girl’s name on this basket means the absolute world to me. Thank you, Sweet Grace Ministries…for EVERYTHING!”

And a month after that, Akirah shared this news:

“I am typing this through tears. My daughter’s life MATTERS! I just found out that the ministry that supported us during and after our stillbirth is now partnered with the hospital where I gave birth. Why? Because after our photographer, Nina, took pictures of our family, our nurse asked for more information about Sweet Grace Ministries. And the rest is history…⁣

I can’t tell you how proud I am of my sweet Ruby Beloved. I have learned so much from this child. In her little way, she’s helped me confront my own ableism. I am inspired by how she listened to her body’s wisdom and left us peacefully. As I pushed her out of my body, I felt her spirit telling me, “This birth will not be like your first, so please don’t worry. You can and you will do this. Trust the wisdom of your body, Mom.” I listened to her words and literally laughed with joy while giving birth to her.

At first, seeing her diseased body scared me. It overwhelmed me. But now when I look at pictures of Ruby, I simply see my sweet, beautiful girl. I see my wise, empathetic daughter who found a way to help others, even in death. ⁣Her short life means more bereaved families will receive the same life-changing support we received from Sweet Grace Ministries. It’s a club I wish none of us belonged to, but at least we don’t have to walk this path alone.

My daughter is the heroine I didn’t know I needed. I can’t believe I get to be her Mama, but in many ways she has mothered me as well. Thank You so much for giving her to us, God. Thank You for showing us beauty amidst the ashes. ”

Sweet Grace Ministries is now offering services to additional hospitals each year. The work they do to support grieving families continues to grow and change the lives of parents facing unthinkable tragedy. 

Learn more about Sweet Grace Ministries here. To make a donation, click here.

Loss and Grief in Pregnancy and Postpartum    

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