I am a 6’2″, 230-pound male, born to Nigerian and English immigrant parents, both research scientists. Growing up, I was taught to suppress my emotions and resolve issues independently, as my parents were always focused on their work. This led to a lifelong habit of bottling up my worries, which affected how I approached many aspects of life, including relationships and personal goals.

When my wife and I struggled to conceive, physicians initially focused on her health, despite our request for both of us to be tested. It wasn’t until later that tests revealed I had 0% sperm morphology. Though it was a heavy blow, I continued to suppress my feelings and proceeded with the IVF process. In October 2019, we welcomed our first daughter, Lyn, and I became a stay-at-home father.

Our second child, conceived via frozen embryo transfer, faced significant complications. Despite prior genetic testing, an anatomy scan revealed she has spina bifida. This news, combined with a lack of family support, mentally taxed us. My wife’s father helped, but my own family was distant, and my wife’s mother had disowned us for racial reasons.

Our second daughter was born in August 2022 and required two surgeries within days of her birth. As I tried to shield her from the world and protect her, my mental state worsened significantly. Every little thing around me seemed like a threat, triggering a defensive response leading to postpartum depression. When a third surgery resulted in massive blood loss, seeing her unconscious in the PICU broke me. I was overwhelmed with guilt and a profound sense of helplessness. Despite my education and life experiences, I felt utterly useless, consumed by the belief that if I no longer existed, perhaps my daughter would be spared from further suffering.

During my first session, I expressed these doubts openly to my therapist. To my surprise, she responded with understanding rather than dismissing my concerns. She didn’t force the process or impose a rigid structure. Instead, she allowed me the space to become comfortable, letting the dialogue unfold naturally.

After starting therapy and being more open about my struggles, I received mixed reactions. My close-knit group of friends were incredibly supportive, actively looking for ways to help in my recovery. However, I quickly became aware of others who viewed my diagnosis differently. Some women, even those within the medical field, dismissed my experience with male postpartum depression, labeling it as another attempt by the patriarchy to co-opt something that should be exclusive to women.

Being a stay-at-home father had left me feeling isolated, surrounded mostly by mothers. The few fathers I did know distanced themselves, telling me to “grow a pair” rather than acknowledge the mental health challenges I was facing. These attitudes compounded the isolation, but therapy helped me refocus on those who truly supported me and mattered in my life.

To anyone feeling overwhelmed, I strongly encourage seeking professional help. Therapy has been invaluable in my journey toward healing, and I’m hopeful that as mental health awareness continues to grow the stigma surrounding men seeking mental health support will begin to fade.