By Tyler Mitchell, PMH-C
There are many things I wish someone had told me about postpartum and parenthood. Not a single person mentioned how challenging weaning can be when I decided to breastfeed. I’ve been treated for depression and anxiety since 2017, I had depression and anxiety through pregnancy and postpartum, and I continue to struggle with depression and anxiety. Hi, I’m Tyler from @yougotthismammaa and @yougotthismamma7, and here is my very candid, and continuous, story.
I remember when my son first bit me. He was teething very badly at about 13 months old, and I was sitting on my living room floor before his bedtime. I’ll never forget that horrific lightning strike of pain that went through my breast when my child bit my nipple, or my high-pitched yelp of pain. I knew that I could not physically or mentally tolerate it, so I went on my Instagram and tried to find someone who could help me quickly – without doing my research.
I’m going to leave their name out of this story, but what I got out of a $175 hour-long phone call was shame and being told that I should not even think about weaning until at least 18 months. I left the call feeling ashamed, but also isolated, guilty, and not knowing what to do next. My husband wasn’t sure how to comfort me. No mothers I knew had breastfed as long as I had, or they did not breastfeed at all, and could not empathize with me.
It was easy to start daytime weaning because I work full-time and my son goes to daycare, but I knew I had to tackle nighttime weaning. My son is highly sensitive, would probably breastfeed until he’s four years old, and has not enjoyed any part of this weaning process. He does not sleep through the night and he still wakes up every few hours.
Fast forward to a few months later, and the physical and mental toll from attempted night weaning had really started to affect me. I was brought into a deep depression. I suffered from insomnia, my breasts hurt so much, and worst of all, I still felt so alone. I also had horrific mood swings from hormonal shifts, when I would lash out at my husband in so much anger. I didn’t even realize I was being mean to him. I felt like no one understood me, like nobody cared about my situation, and like I was supposed to push down my emotions deep into my soul and suck it up.
To put the icing on the cake, my husband suddenly became violently ill. He was hospitalized numerous times over several weeks, and we had no idea what was wrong. I’d spend days driving back and forth from the hospital just to feed my son, sleep with him, and return to the hospital the next day to see my husband. I lost my teammate in the night to help console my son and put him back to sleep. I gave up on night weaning because I had no strength left. All I wanted to do was sleep, and I knew that the best way to get my son to sleep was to feed him to sleep. Temporarily letting go of our weaning journey allowed me to focus on just surviving for the next month.
One night, I was doom scrolling on Instagram and saw a post from @cosleepy’s page titled “How do you help your baby fall back asleep in the middle of the night?” It was the first time I had seen a post like this, so I immediately replied to the post and commented “Nurse back to sleep but need to wean and he cries for HOURS please help fam.” I thought nothing of it and went back to the chaos that was my house after work, after trying to clean or get anything done. I never could because my child was attached to my hip.
I checked my phone a few hours later and I had over 60 comments and 200 likes. I felt so seen for the first time in my weaning journey. I instantly cried reading all of the comments in which women shared they felt the same way I did. I had multiple women DM me and say they were more than happy to help me and gave me their phone numbers. I was shocked by the kindness of these women. When we spoke on the phone, I felt as though all of the weight on my shoulders was slowly melting off. Half the battle for me was just having someone to talk to about weaning.
Now that I felt less alone, I knew that I still needed a bit of help. Taylor Westenberger (@babyledsleepmama) offered to help with her professional services, and I am so grateful to her. I continued to find my tribe with Brittini (@resting_in_motherhood) and one of Rachel Shepard-Ohta’s @heysleepbaby weaning groups, which were both very helpful. Now, I follow multiple women from that weaning group on Instagram and check in with them to see how they’re doing.
Looking back, I wish I hadn’t had to spend almost $1,000 with weaning help, but I’m glad that I gained this knowledge. More importantly, I gained my little online community. To the women who do not have the financial means to get professional help, DM me on Instagram.
I look forward to passing on my knowledge as a future perinatal mental health counselor and as a mother to any friends or family that choose to breastfeed. I have learned to take the pressure off myself; I realized that was what was making me slowly drown in my own depression. At this moment, I’m still feeding my son to sleep and sometimes I’m feeding him when he wakes up in the morning. That’s just fine for us for now. My breasts still hurt, and I still have insomnia, but I’m looking forward to seeing how my breastfeeding journey ends. To be continued.
About the Author
Tyler Mitchell, PMH-C
Tyler Mitchell, PMH-C is a working mother to a 21-month-old, living on Cape Cod, Massachusetts with her husband and golden retriever. Tyler has a background in higher education and did not realize her passion for maternal mental health until she suffered from, and continues to suffer from, postpartum depression and anxiety. She had a traumatic birth with her son and soon felt overwhelmed by all the emotions and responsibilities that are required of mothers.
Tyler knew after she gave birth that she wanted to help other mothers and families not feel alone like she did, so she enrolled in graduate school at Southern New Hampshire University where she is completing her Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and will be specializing in perinatal mental health and family therapy. Tyler is also documenting her journey of being a mother with no village or filter on her Instagram @yougotthismammaa and TikTok @yougotthismamma7.
Postpartum Planning for Expectant Parents
Breastfeeding and Bodyfeeding Resources
When Breastfeeding & Bodyfeeding Ends Before You Are Ready Peer Support Group
Learn More About Perinatal Mental Health Disorders
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